posting with gremlins

i don't have much to say, but I certainly am freaking out ... which is always enjoyable. more on this later.

there was a fashion show a few days ago, at which I was tricked (yes, tricked) into performing. I expected to be one of a crowd, but with the exception of a group of semi-professional hip-hop dancers, I was the sole (i believe) person to do anything other than just walk (sashay?) down the 3 dents.

What was great, though, was that even though I was barely able to practice and even though I was surrounded by people that I could confidently assume were judging me (and my distinct lack of model physique) and even though there was a good chance that I was going to back step my way off the catwalk, I felt surprising calm.

Now, back in high school I desperately wanted to be in one of the plays but was completely unable to even try-out. My fear of being judged (and found lacking) was debilitating. So, what am I to make of my latest foray. As I came out into the crowd, Harmonkey's mom told me I should be in theatre. She seems to have a way of saying what people want to hear but I wonder.

My four goals, then: perform surgery, act in a play, design my own clothes, work for the UN.

those seem like achievable goals now.

good.

studying goes slowly. that causes the freakouts.

erg, spaggle-fook.

eep! its been months.

do not despair. facebook will loosen its hold eventually ... I'm sure.

anyway, we all know that summer causes electronic doldrums. Why post here when I could be in the sun, getting that all important vitamin D? that was rhetorical.

excuses, excuses.

well, if anybody is left:

i am reading an absolutely mesmerizing book by Stephen Lewis who was a UN special envoy on HIV/AIDS. He writes passionately about his time in Africa and with the UN as he tried to overcome the terrible bureaucracy of the organisation.

Anyway, it seems I have to cut this short but the fact that this one man is not afraid to face the problem of HIV/AIDS in Africa and the world is amazingly encouraging and inspiring.