tucker max is a bad influence

I was introduced somewhat recently to the entertaining writings of one Tucker Max. If you haven't heard of him, you should check out his blog. He is a drunk, philandering asshole who got a book deal.

Anyway, I think he is great.

So, I was in Toronto with Mark and Leslie and we started off the night doing various shots of everything. Wine, vodka, bourbon, etc. We seemed to be matching shot for shot, but I soon realised that I was slurring and they were not. I tried to hide it.

We left the apartment. I am not sure where we were going, but we did have our squash racquets.

We came across a graffiti covered alley and stopped to play squash. I believe the allay was actually a garage for ambulances because every now and then an ambulance would leave from the garage behind me. The paramedics were, as I remember, nice. And I was nice to them. Squash continued.

Strangers, coming across a tall curly headed man and his obviously drunk friend playing squash in an alley from where ambulances were emerging, stopped in interest. Matt's emulation of TM started. I told everyone who stopped, in no uncertain terms, to Fuck Off, because we were trying to play a fucking squash game. I yelled at them until they left. It was pretty funny. Apparently, some of the fake anger was lost because I couldn't stop laughing. Still, they left.

We moved onto a bar which had obviously been the site of some sort of reception, or at least that is what makes the most sense because I found a bunch of great food scattered around the place and brought it back to our table. I mean like full plates of vegetables and dip. The friends didn't exactly like me stealing food but they didn't exactly not eat it.

I faded pretty quickly after that. But I think I can build up a better tolerance. And then I could be an asshole all night. I am way too nice a guy.

The next day, with my mother, I went out to the Art Gallary of Ontario, went to an excellent Italian restaurant (we had risotto), went swimming and was in bed by 12. The next, next day Mark, Leslie, my mother and I went for yummy breakfast and then we went to Niagra Falls. See what I mean? Too nice. I haven't yelled at any strangers for like 3 days. Terrible.